I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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