You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
