bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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