"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
