I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
