when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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