I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
