I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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