i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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