Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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