Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize