my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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