I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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