I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
