There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
