there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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