Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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