Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
