Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
