I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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