my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
