Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm too high and old for this...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize