I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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