Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
