Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
