I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
