she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
