That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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