Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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