i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
