Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
