I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
