as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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