No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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