Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
