In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
