u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
