I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
