based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
