Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
