Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize