hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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