I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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