So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
