You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
