so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
