I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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