from now on my penis is your penis
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize