so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
