mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
