When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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