Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I did not marry a roomba.
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