my being single is dangerous.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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