Please, let me fuck your mom
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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