everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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