Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize