The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
