Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize