I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
