Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
