If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
