I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
