is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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