in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
