The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
