At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize