Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
