I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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