I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
