it was like his penis was on wheels.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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