Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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