No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
