Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
