he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
