The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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