that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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