Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
