haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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