Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
