Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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