I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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