if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize