I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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