It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
