yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
