when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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