Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sober January is a disaster.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize