hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
