So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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