What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are the jesus of drinking
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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