Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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