Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize