when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
