i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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