Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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