I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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