and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
