i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
